Losing a loved one to cancer is a life-altering event that demands time, compassion, and understanding. As you navigate through your grief journey, know that you are not alone.

When you lose someone close to you to cancer, it’s not often sudden. However, with any ending to a long-term illness, the ending can sometimes happen unexpectedly, abruptly, and even if the illness has been over a protracted time period, it can still feel like a shock, no matter the circumstances.

Here, we offer a guide to help you manage your grief, find healing, and honour the memory of your loved one.

Mixed feelings and guilt

Following death when there has been a long illness, it’s quite common to feel a sense of relief that their suffering is over and your anticipation of their death is over. Those feelings can be accompanied by feelings of guilt for feeling that relief.

Please know this is a normal reaction and the mixed feelings are short lived. You are not a bad person in any way for feeling that way. Of course you didn’t want their suffering to go on, or pain. However, you didn’t want their life to end, either.

Flashbacks

Death is rarely like a television or film scene. Sometimes with cancer, the ending can be quite distressing. It’s not unusual to relive those final moments in your mind or your dreams for some time after the event.

This is normal. One way of handling them is not to fight those thoughts. Just breathe through them and perhaps have something you can feel in your hand that will help you know the moment is in the past and you are in the present moment. You will find the occurrences of flashbacks will lessen in intensity and frequency when you just let them wash over you.

Sense of purpose

You may have found yourself in a position of carer during the illness. Now that has ended, you may feel a loss of a sense of purpose. A common behaviour is to replace your loss with another sense of purpose, such as fundraising, finding a cause to throw yourself behind, or searching for someone to blame for missed diagnoses, etc.

However, take your time before going into something with gusto. There is no hurry and the chances are that after the funeral, you need to rest for a while and recuperate.

Allowing yourself time to heal

Losing a loved one to cancer is a difficult experience that can take a toll on one’s physical, emotional, and mental health. It is important to understand that grief is a natural process that cannot be hurried.

Processing different emotions, feeling a sense of guilt, and experiencing flashbacks are all part of the journey. It is essential to acknowledge and embrace all of one’s emotions while taking the time to heal.

While the experience of grief can be isolating, it is crucial to know that support is available. Often, processing one’s grief with a support group or counsellor can help navigate this difficult journey.

It is also important to remember that grieving is not a task to be completed, but a personal and unique process that varies from individual to individual. With time and effort, you can find peace, move forward, and honour your loved one in your own way.