You’d be forgiven for thinking you were going mad when you’re grieving. You can flip-flop between a multitude of feelings in the space of five minutes, which can feel confusing and conflicting. Rest assured, you’re not alone. These mixed emotions are very common responses to grief and loss.

There’s also a misconception that you can only feel one feeling at a time. In reality, you can feel many things at a time. It’s just your senses are heightened and you become more aware of your feelings when you’re grieving.

This can feel disorienting at first, but in many ways, it is a good thing. It means that you don’t have to choose between grieving the past and living in the present. It means that the pain of loss can sit alongside things like pleasure, happiness, and hope.

Let’s have a look at what conflicting emotions might look like:

Sadness and Relief

When a loved one has suffered from a long illness, their death may bring a sense of relief that their suffering has come to an end. However, this relief can coexist with overwhelming sadness, as their absence is deeply felt.

Anger and Love

It is not uncommon to experience anger towards the person you’ve lost or towards yourself. This anger can feel conflicting when it arises alongside feelings of love and affection for the same individual.

Guilt and Forgiveness

Grief may trigger guilt, as you may question your actions or the nature of your relationship with the person who has died. You may also feel guilt for wanting to live for them while moving forward without them. Simultaneously, a need for self-forgiveness and forgiveness towards the person who has died might arise.

Numbness and Intense Emotions

Grief can manifest as a numbing of emotions, making it difficult to feel anything at all. It can also unleash intense emotions and emotional outbursts that can be overwhelming.

Why do conflicting feelings happen?

Conflicting emotions can arise from the simultaneous desire to hold onto the past and resist change, while also recognising the need to adapt and move forward. Navigating the uncertainty of the future can lead to conflicting feelings of hope and fear.

How can you manage this?

Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings. Allow yourself to experience them rather than fighting them. By acknowledging and understanding these conflicting emotions, we can begin to navigate the complexities of grief more effectively. Speaking to others who you trust will help to normalise what you’re experiencing. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and each person’s experience is unique.